|December 25, 2017
The Miami Dolphins have officially been eliminated from the NFL playoffs — Merry Christmas! You've already known for weeks what the Dolphins were going to get you, though. They aren't very good at surprises.
One of the least likable, most useless, totally unmemorable Dolphins teams will mercifully be laid to rest next weekend after 60 minutes of meaningless football against the Buffalo Bills on New Year's Eve. Honestly, if you're planning to attend the game for any reason beyond tailgating, you deserve a medal and your name in the Dolphins Ring of Honor. You also deserve a scolding from a family member, because you're apparently really bad with money.
The Dolphins 29-13 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday was much of the same of which Dolphins fans have endured all season long: Uninspired quarterback play from Jay Cutler, subpar defense, and just overall mediocre football nobody would have missed if it didn't happen. The Chiefs were bad, but the Dolphins were worse than bad. It wasn't fun to watch. Thankfully, Dolphins fans will see their Sundays clear up just in time for 2018.
For the Dolphins, this offseason will be an interesting one. It's likely the team will give Adam Gase at least one more year to prove he's the offensive guru he was sold to fans as. It's also likely bad-at-picking-football-players-football-players Mike Tannenbaum will continue to pick the players that play for the Dolphins.
When the Dolphins take the field next season, the team could look completely different: They may choose to let someone else pay Jarvis Landry in free agency, release Ndamukong Suh, and, hopefully, they'll have a healthy Ryan Tannehill back under center. Those are the main pieces, the filler on the roster is likely to change, and change a lot. The Dolphins are a bad football team full of bad football players. They'll have all offseason to fix that, or we'll be in this same position next season.
For now, though, the Dolphins are just about done playing football. And that's the best news we've heard in months.